Sunday, January 16, 2011

Home Sweet Home

It's better than I thought it would be.  It really, truly is.  It's raining on snow and it's awesome.  Every breath, every moment of peace, every ounce of tap water is pure luxury. 

Here is something I wrote to some of my friends tonight who welcomed me home by not only filling my house with food, and baby clothes and gifts, but throwing me a lovely party:

It is really awesome to be home to say the least.  I am still in a weird place between disbelief and relief.  I still wake up wondering where I am.  Clay said something interesting to me in that 3 months (for him, 'us')  flew by, while he wondered how it felt for me.  It got me thinking that it feels like I have been gone for over a year, like some kind of soldier at war, who just went through this harrowing experience that is hard to convey to anyone who hasn't been there.  It feels like I have been in some kind of time warp dream.  The last 3 1/2 months was such a long, long, long time it's unreal.  Even your children all look a year older, with the exception of the babies! :-)  (Of course all of you look as young and glamorous as ever!!! :-)))  It wasn't that the days even dragged by because thankfully, they didn't.  But something about the experience makes it seem far longer than even the time that it took to get me home.  The stress is still in my body, though I know I am starting to unwind I can feel the adrenaline, or whatever it is that keeps one in fight of flight mode, still in my veins.  I'm ready.  But at the same time I'm relaxing into the luxuriousness called home.  

And there's also a part of me that is blocking it out somewhat.  I normally like to be very reminiscent about my trips, but this one is not like that.  I don't want to hold on to the memories, though I do want to hold on the perspective it has given me.  The gratitude for living here, and all the incredible luxuries we are afforded simply by being born into this country.  Even the food here looks and tastes luxurious.  And certainly the air and water are insane privileges.

And then there is the sweetness of being able to stay in Nepal with my son.  The bonding that took place. and how the time we had together there has paved the way for him to transition easily to here, to not be traumatized, and to feel safe.  And along with that comes the generosity I experienced... just the mere fact  that I was ABLE to live in Nepal for so long without financial concerns because this community held me up.  Unreal.  So in the end lies the beauty of this experience...which of course I see and understand. That will eventually outweigh all hard times and struggles of being in Nepal under such intense conditions. 

Gratitude always wins.   It's just really, really, really good to be home.  

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