Thursday, October 21, 2010

In Transition

I decided that the place I was staying at wasn't going to work for me on a number of levels.  Firstly, I was uncomfortable, damp, sick, and getting depressed.  Secondly, I didn't have a kitchen and couldn't cook for my kid.  And lastly, I am done visiting the orphanage so there is no further reason to stay near it.  It was a great place for anyone wanting a real Nepali experience, and the family was incredibly nice, but I needed to find a more suitable place for me and Pukar.  So for the time in between, I am with a friend Cherie, who has a little girl about 16 months of age she is also adopting, and we are staying in a part of Kathmandu called Lalitipur.  We are in a very western style house, with a bathtub, a washer, 2 bedrooms, and a kitchen with a fridge.  Very civilized.  Pukar and I took our first 'bath' yesterday and after about two minutes of screaming he loved it.  He also loves Maya's beautiful carved wooden rocking horse. 

I am here until Saturday and then Cherie and Maya are off to Chitwan and Pukar and I are off to Pokhara.  I am going to see if it is a better place for my body and spirit.  Kathmandu has sucked the life out of me a little.  All the transition is not the best for Pukar, but there's not much else I can do at this point. 

We are having a lot of problems right now with crying and tantrums.  It's gotten worse since my last visit to the orphanage, which is why I'm done.  It's now causing more harm than good.  Sigh.  I have been trying to the the best thing, the right thing, and it feels like some of it just backfired on me.  It's been really, really, really hard and sad. 

For me, being in Lalitipur has been amazing.   There are a lot of western style restaurants and amenities, as well as families so I've already connected with a few people and feel like I could come back here and work out a place to stay if it's clear that Pokhara isn't the best choice.  We'll see.  I wish I could have done all this before I adopted him, but I couldn't so it is what it is.  We'll get settle eventually.  Until then, I can probably expect a lot of tears.   

Feels like we've had a major setback and I'm hoping we can recover soon.  When we are 'on' we are doing really, really great with lots of love and laughter.  But when we are 'off' he won't even let me near him until he's done, which is heartbreaking and hard to watch.  Slowly slowly, bistari bistari. 


  1. sweet girl! Your experience sounds like its wearing on you. It makes sense that you are taking steps to make sure you are comfortable and remain healthy. I think its very telling that in the midst of this you are remembering the importance of self care. You are a very important mommy after all. thinking about you, Amy

  2. Hang in there Jenni!! Hope you guys find a great spot to settle in for a very SHORT time and you are on your way home soon.