I awoke this morning first to the sound of my child, "mommy, mommy"... as soon as I open my eyes there is a wide grin that greets me from across the bed. It's one of the most beautiful sights on earth. I close my eyes again and listen to the layers, child babbling, generator churning, a few birds barely, some bells, and finally honking, and construction, bang, bang, bang. Those are my layers of sound. At night there is the men drinking and gambling next door, and buses revving their engines and idling which replace the birds and bells. And instead of babbling there is the deep breathing of my little lovebug.
I realized today that he is everything I ever dreamed of. I remember first receiving that little postage stamp photo of him in my referral; the first time I saw his little face. He looked like a scared monkey; and I thought to myself, wow, that wasn't what I thought he'd look like. And then I fell in love and carried that little photo around with me everywhere I went until someone sent an updated picture of him that included a body, arms and legs. Relieved he was all in tact, I then carried that around with me, and still do to this day. But this morning I looked at his little face as he was looking up at me and talking about something in his sweet voice and realized he is more than I had hoped for. After reading all my adoption related books I set myself up for the worst. I put to bed the dream I had for years of this gentle child with a wonderful disposition, and instead decided that was unrealistic and these kinds of children come from loving homes with two parents and no trauma. I was dead wrong. Somehow, through some miracle, I was matched with a little soul that is so gentle and kind, so loving and sweet, that it doesn't seem possible given his beginnings. Miracles do happen.
One adoptive parent told me she would never consider adopting alone as her journey has been so difficult that she couldn't imagine it without the help of her husband. I read this in one of adoption books as well... to not even consider single parent adoption of a toddler.
So, maybe I already cashed in on my Miracle ...? But then who's to say we get a set amount of Miracles each year? I say phooey! I'd like to be home for Christmas pretty please!
Portrait of An Adoption Read more on Candace, who is now home, and DeeDee and Bina; My roommates.
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